Pruning

I spent a few hours today trying on clothes - my own.
I had long known that my closet was slowly coming to hold articles of clothing that was better off in the trash. So today, I finally went through everything and did some 'pruning'.
So long to white mime gloves, socks (both too small and too long), underwear with... ineffectual elastic, tiny jeans and size 12 jumpers (being a member of the disgustingly thin community, it was nice to be able to prove I had actually grown since primary school).
But most of all, farewell to school uniforms. I'm not really sure why they weren't burned (or at the very least, thrown out) as soon as I graduated, but a good deal of drawer space had been filled up with tall grey socks, short grey pants, crumpled and tattered hats, and threadbare navy jumpers. I fear that I may have stored these things away under the delusion that I would pull them out and wear them again. That's a scary thought.
Nostalgia, perhaps? I did have a rather tearful grad dinner - at the end of the night, when it dawned on me that I would probably never see any of these people again. Still, keeping the uniforms? Ugh.
And the pruning spread to my overflowing 'music box' (toy cube). I spent another hour or so wondering what I was supposed to do with sheet music for Tuba, let alone Harp. Perhaps I could send them back to the school, along with my old choir scores. The rest of the music has to be sorted into pieces that I enjoy playing, and pieces that make me nauseous just looking at them.
My piano teachers would be horrified with my choices.

Anyhow, it felt surprisingly good to know that I was finally getting rid of some of the absolute junk that accumulated in my room. Actually, I take back the words 'absolute junk', because the literal sense of that phrase has also been true at one point.
But aside from feeling like I was doing something constructive again, it was a pleasure to get rid of some of the excess baggage weighing me down.
Once I've finished, maybe I'll be ready to move on to something/somewhere new.

Genesis

Thursday, 24th June 2004, 12:14 am.

It feels like my life is slipping away.
Not in the sense of life vs. death, just... dissipating.
I think I'm becoming too comfortable with my life. To the point where I drift through each day with a vague contentment, waiting for something to happen but not really expecting anything to.
The alternative, I guess, is to make a change.
Still waters run deep - and also stink, or so I've read.

What do you measure the worth of your day in?

Contentment? Personal pleasure? Creative projects? Money earned? Friends made? Movies seen?

I think I'm probably letting myself know that I need a job - if not for the money, then for the need to be constantly doing something.

Saturday, 26 June 2004, 7:29 pm.

My assumed name is Draic. It forms a part of my real name, and would probably be pronounced 'Rick', with an Irish accent. But I'm not exactly horrified that people might confuse it with 'Drake', with its 'dragon' connotations as well as its 'duck' ones.

I was originally going to call this blog 'Before Pandora', which refers to, I suppose, a state of innocence. But the two words are also a kind of doom - you know that some time in the future, the horrors will be unleashed.
...Which just showed the state of mind I was in at that point.
So I changed it to 'Beyond Pandora', which is less depressing overall, and refers to the idea that there is more than simple good and evil.

This is the stuff I think about.