Rights to Inconsistency
I could use that phrase as the title for my blog. It would certainly be more relevant.
Hearing everyone's comments on the uni situation and allowing myself to talk through my options with other people has helped a lot. So thanks to Casyn, Pickwick, Diana, Violet, Kelcie, Lara, Jane, Liam, Dad and (who'd a thunk it?) even to Pat.
I've realised (and been reminded of) a few things in the short time between then and now:
Firstly, that I was blowing the decision out of proportion, or at the very least making it out to be something it's not.
- This decision does not set my career path in stone. It's merely a chance to open up my options.
- This decision is not between living a happy life and living a useful life. I could hate what I learned about arts and I could find engineering skills useless.
- This decision does not mirror the situation with the mobile phone, when I did something on the spur of the moment without considering the consequences. I'm definitely considering both options here - hence the conflict.
- It isn't even a decision between 'only Engineering' and 'only Arts'. There's nothing to say that I can't pursue one or the other outside my uni degree. If I studying Engineering, it does not mean I'm 'giving up' the arts.
- I will never give up my artistic inclinations. What I study at university cannot change that.
- If I want to, I can study one course after the other. This is just a matter of what I want to do next.
- I am unemployed at the moment. I have no trouble being artistic. I do have trouble feeling useful.
- If I study Electronics Engineering, I will be trying to slant it towards assisting with Creative Arts and expression. (there are electronics in theatre, film, television...)
- I want to study Electronics at some point in my life. It is not a clear-cut case of taking the 'financially sound' option - I have real interest in the area.
In case people hadn't picked it up yet, I'm tending towards studying Electronics. Again.
I'd already made this choice before. I decided to take Electronic Engineering instead of Creative Writing. It was a huge step between disciplines so unrelated. A traumatic step, because I had, for years, 'known' that the Creative Industries was the right decision - and I know people who are doing similar courses at the same campus of the same university. These factors made the step much more difficult - and made me worry when I looked back over the decision.
But I took that step - and I still think it was/is the right thing to do.
I want to learn some useful, practical skills - and it is easier to teach yourself to be an artist than it is to teach yourself to be an engineer. Plus, the plan is (and always was) that if I found myself a solid enough base (financially), then I could try anything I wanted to do - and have something to fall back on if I fail.
In addition, perhaps I will be more motivated to be creative when I'm under pressure to be logical and practical. I could get that oboe I've always wanted and learn to play!
In the metaphor of head vs. heart, this decision amounts to the head taking steps to allow the heart to be free.
Thanks again, everyone.
~ Draic
(BTW, As I bear the rights of inconsistency, don't be surprised if you find me writing a similar speech that contradicts everything I have just said - that's what it's like to be me. But, on the whole, I think I've compromised nicely.)
(...)
(Except that I may not hear from Casyn for a while...)
Hearing everyone's comments on the uni situation and allowing myself to talk through my options with other people has helped a lot. So thanks to Casyn, Pickwick, Diana, Violet, Kelcie, Lara, Jane, Liam, Dad and (who'd a thunk it?) even to Pat.
I've realised (and been reminded of) a few things in the short time between then and now:
Firstly, that I was blowing the decision out of proportion, or at the very least making it out to be something it's not.
- This decision does not set my career path in stone. It's merely a chance to open up my options.
- This decision is not between living a happy life and living a useful life. I could hate what I learned about arts and I could find engineering skills useless.
- This decision does not mirror the situation with the mobile phone, when I did something on the spur of the moment without considering the consequences. I'm definitely considering both options here - hence the conflict.
- It isn't even a decision between 'only Engineering' and 'only Arts'. There's nothing to say that I can't pursue one or the other outside my uni degree. If I studying Engineering, it does not mean I'm 'giving up' the arts.
- I will never give up my artistic inclinations. What I study at university cannot change that.
- If I want to, I can study one course after the other. This is just a matter of what I want to do next.
- I am unemployed at the moment. I have no trouble being artistic. I do have trouble feeling useful.
- If I study Electronics Engineering, I will be trying to slant it towards assisting with Creative Arts and expression. (there are electronics in theatre, film, television...)
- I want to study Electronics at some point in my life. It is not a clear-cut case of taking the 'financially sound' option - I have real interest in the area.
In case people hadn't picked it up yet, I'm tending towards studying Electronics. Again.
I'd already made this choice before. I decided to take Electronic Engineering instead of Creative Writing. It was a huge step between disciplines so unrelated. A traumatic step, because I had, for years, 'known' that the Creative Industries was the right decision - and I know people who are doing similar courses at the same campus of the same university. These factors made the step much more difficult - and made me worry when I looked back over the decision.
But I took that step - and I still think it was/is the right thing to do.
I want to learn some useful, practical skills - and it is easier to teach yourself to be an artist than it is to teach yourself to be an engineer. Plus, the plan is (and always was) that if I found myself a solid enough base (financially), then I could try anything I wanted to do - and have something to fall back on if I fail.
In addition, perhaps I will be more motivated to be creative when I'm under pressure to be logical and practical. I could get that oboe I've always wanted and learn to play!
In the metaphor of head vs. heart, this decision amounts to the head taking steps to allow the heart to be free.
Thanks again, everyone.
~ Draic
(BTW, As I bear the rights of inconsistency, don't be surprised if you find me writing a similar speech that contradicts everything I have just said - that's what it's like to be me. But, on the whole, I think I've compromised nicely.)
(...)
(Except that I may not hear from Casyn for a while...)
posted by Draic | 12:48 pm
2 Comments:
my neighbour, who is a web-writer turned playwright and cyberformance artist, used to tell me - if you just do what you really want to do then the universe will look after you.
My problem with that statement is that I honestly don't know what I really want to do! But there are a lot of things that I want to do, and so I'm doing the most 'practical'/the one with the best job prospects, so I can finance myself to do the other things I want to do, until I find the thing that I 'really' want to do.
I hope that makes sense.
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